I am friends with an atheist. While some of you may not blink an eye at this fact, others may find themselves wondering how that even happens. I wonder how this even happened. Growing up in rural South Georgia, where church was not an extracurricular activity, but a cornerstone where that shaped ALL community functions. Not a practice, rehearsal, or meeting was organized on Wednesday evenings OR anytime on Sunday.
This was my foundation. The university I attended, also in the South, was filled with like minded people, granted a little freer flowing as is typical of college, but still…same foundation. I did not meet a self proclaimed until I was in my early 20s. Thinking that the belief was contagious, I cut off all contact IMMEDIATELY after finding out. I now know that this spoke loudly about MY lack of faith, not his.
I’m using this story to lead into my current friendship. I found out about his belief system because we went on a date and quickly found out about this gaping difference. After quickly determining there was no romantic future, we comfortably relaxed into “the friend zone”. We had a dinner recently to catch up, where he asked me about my trip…more specifically this blog. He asked me how long it had been since I had written. After my response (“…about a month…”), he replied with a side-eye and “you need to get on that!”. Every excuse filled my head to defend why I have been on a hiatus, but the one I used that night, and everytime since then is: I haven’t been inspired.
After my last blog post, I received several compliments on the writing. And I do have to say…it was VERY good. God has spoken SO loudly and SO consistently that it was EASY to let the words pour out. But what about when He doesn’t. What about when to-do lists and tasks and laundry and baby showers and birthday parties and work and obligations and LIFE gets in the way? What about then, when the clambering cacophony chimes louder than that still small voice?
As I am sitting here, I remember how the inspiration intensified when I forced myself to slow down and write. The expectation to have everything perfectly planned and laid out was one I had for myself…it did not come from anyone else. So here I am. I had nothing planned. Haven’t felt God tap on my heart for WEEKS, but He is there. There are stories to be shared. There are lessons to learn. There are people to love.
Just like my friend. He and I subscribe to polarizing beliefs, but he held me accountable that night. He reminded me that nothing has to be perfect or in the right timing in order to be meaningful. Isn’t it funny how God finds ways to speak to you in the most unlikely circumstances?
I will enter into this next stage TRYING to remember it is not responsibility to inspire or motivate or move or even to direct. It is my job to share…that’s it. The big jobs listed above belong to someone MUCH more capable.
I enjoyed reading this and it made me smile. I have never been an overly religious person, it’s always naturally felt uncomfortable for me, but my closest friends are. They have this deep rooted connection that I absolutely love about them. We’ve had countless conversations about our differences, and a lot of laughs regarding our different beliefs systems. I can watch my best friend Krista pray anywhere, anytime and she sounds so graceful and beautiful. This has never felt comfortable to me and I feel as though I’m speaking some sort of ancient dialect… “Dearest Lordeth I haveth… :)”But she and I are thick as thieves. I hope to see you again soon, and I wish you the best this upcoming fall!
“The expectation to have everything perfectly planned and laid out was one I had for myself.” I think we share this expectation for ourselves. It is definitely a journey of letting go and telling myself that God’s grace covers our imperfections. Thanks for sharing.